Overcoming Trauma: Effective Solutions for Healing and Recovery
for those that have suffered trauma
A Word of Caution
One of the worst problems I faced in my life was a factor called toxicity. The toxic people, to be very precise. Please do not misunderstand me. I want my readers to comprehend my connotation very precisely and without prejudice. Please be objective. The phrase toxic people is used without any insinuation and is used for want of an alternate terminology. The situations described, here, is restricted to me. Not everybody faces the same situation.
The Time Frame
The reference, I must mention here, is to the time frame of my experience. Well, I am looking back at that period and my mindset at that point or phase in time. It is a recollection of the past in complete objectivity. At the same time, I must admit, I am, certainly, not infallible and shall take refuge in Alexander Pope’s line
“To err is human, to forgive divine”
The Situation at that Time
Over the years, I have learnt that blaming other people is not right. Every coin has two sides. Hence, looking back, it must be noted that my state of mind was not in balance. The equilibrium was, definitely, absent, which meant that I considered myself a victim. The perception was that I was being subject to toxicity, which meant that others were inflicting suffering on me. The interaction with these “others” was, hence, not pleasant and the “result” was obviously terrible.
The Cause and Effect
This means that others were causing something unpleasant and I was at the platform, on which the effect was manifesting itself. Looking back, now, at the then situation, I need to smile at the way, I saw it then. However, the pertinent question, here, remains how did I handle the situation?
The Limitations
Since I do not wish to reveal the personal aspects, I shall narrate the solution in an indirect way. There was no possibility, at that time to react in any other way, other than being the victim and remaining silent. The persistent thought, at that time was, my time will come, as the old saying goes, every dog has its day.
The Trauma
Obviously, you must have guessed that the situation resulted in a trauma and I shan’t deny it. Those were tough situations and childhood does not give one, I presume, a better logical ability to approach it in an analytical manner. Hence, looking at the situation realistically, I was traumatised.
The Manifestation of the Trauma as a Reaction
The term “reaction” is used, here, as a mild term. Retaliation would be the correct word. The reaction was not in the way one may construe a retaliation. It was mild. I accepted the consequences, was mute and subdued, although my insides were boiling with rage or rather fury. The emotion of fear prevented me from retaliating. In fact, the retaliation, came later but nothing violent.
It was a form of extreme coldness. There were situations of extreme provocation, which elicited from a verbal reaction that was ice cold. It was calculated and deliberate and someone, I do not wish to name here said to me,” Your tongue has the ability to kill a person.” Am not going to expand on that, here.
Looking Back Objectively
Let us be realistic in our assessment. At the time of suffering, we see toxic people interfering in our life. The results are, often, negative on us. Punishments ensue, the will is broker, frustration is the resultant sediment in the heart, fear becomes an almost tangible emotion and plays havoc with almost all situations. Truly, I admit that fear became a stimulant in all sorts of situations. It surfaced, when I perceived a raised voice, a stern look, a neutral look that told me nothing and the perceiving person at that point was a broker child, overpowered by fear. To make it sound a bit dramatic, terrified and paralysed. The wounds remained open for years to come and festered mercilessly.
The Reconciliation
How does one reconcile with such a traumatising past? This what I shall narrate here, without any bitterness, Carrying on the trauma, even after recognising it, is not going to do any good. It can influence our decisions, interactions and, in general, the social intercourse, in which we indulge daily.
Did I go to a counsellor? No. Did I get a therapy? No. There was never a possibility for such a solution. First, I did not not have the financial ability. Second, I knew nobody who practised as one and third, I did not want to go that way.
Why?
Well, I was grown up and did not want to expose my private experiences to a stranger who was not involved. It was my thinking that I can solve my own problems (yes, I admit that, here, my ego was playing its role, at the time)
Additionally, I must admit that external influences did have their effect. The biggest of them was a book that I had read, when I was eighteen. The Outsider by Albert Camus.
Self Therapy – Solution for the Future
Everybody has the right to speak and all of us that have the auditory faculty that facilitates hearing. However, we have been given the power of discrimination, as well. Although we can hear what is told, we have been blessed with the power of volition. We may accept the insinuations. However, we, certainly, have the choice not to accept.
Only One Court
There is only one court before which we need to plead our innocence and that is the court of our own conscience. If we have not anything wrong, that court will rule in our favour. There is absolutely no doubt about that.
So what is the solution, you might ask me. It is like this. The people have the freedom to voice their opinions or thoughts or impressions or whatever one might choose to call it. And I have the right to ignore what is being voiced. My integrity is not violated in any way, whatsoever, notwithstanding the strength of the accusation. There is a saying, raise not your voice, propose a better argument.
The Faculty of Selective Hearing
There is a weapon called selective hearing. I exercise my right to ignore what I needed to ignore. One of the greatest teachings of Hinduism is, be as the lotus leaf, it spends its entire life in water without once getting wet. Hence, do I reply to the accusation? No. Because, the spoken words ceased to exist for me. A case of death where the dead is denied a cenotaph.
Forfeiting the Right to Existence
Hence, toxic people have no place in my life. They have been denied their existence in my sphere of perception. It is their right to exist in their world and that does not affect me.
No Compassion?
The question carries no validity. There is no case, here, for compassion. A non-existent illness does not call for a medication.
Cause and Effect
If I react with being hurt or angered, I have effectively handed over the power of managing me to the toxic person. Hence the effect is at my end. Why would I choose to be the effect? There is no logical necessity to take that place. I occupy the seat of the “cause”. My non-reaction to the provocation becomes the frustration of the provocateur thus making that person the effect. That would mean the provocateur needs to find a solution to the conflict created by him.
How to Escape from Toxic People
There is no need to escape. How many times will you escape. In the battlefield the foe is served a final and lasting settlement. In the same way, in the battlefield of life toxic people are denied their existence in the world of the sane. No, there is no contempt, here. It is just a logical conclusion that tolerates no debate.
Do I hate the Toxic People
No, nor do I love them. Why? Non-existent identities are targets neither of love nor of hate. They have their existence in their own sphere they created for themselves.
For the Inquisitive Minds
For those interested in reading about #Trauma you might be interested in Psychologytoday. If you are interested in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), you may want to visit this link: PTSD